Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Anxiety Stinks

Well, i get my results from fri's PET scan today and I have to say I am more than a little anxious. I go at 1:15 to the Dr's. Rick will meet me there. I feel very wrung out. I've had test and appts. so frequently these last 6 wks. It's pretty draining on everyone, I guess.
The reason my "I"s are not always capitalized is because on my lapop the shift button is in a funny place and I keep hitting the control button instead, plus I'm a lousy typer.
Sarah is off to school and my boys are getting ready to leave in a few minutes. How will I spend my time til 1:15?
Blue will probably get a very long walk. Laundry is just about all caught up. I could go to the grocery store. We need stuff for dinner. ummm, I'm just thinking.
I am not handling this well. I think I need some prayer. i don't think I am letting God help me for some reason. How do you just relax and accept His will? I really am trying.
I always found it strange that the matyrs found it a privilege to share in the sufferings of Christ. I really am not suffering other than mentally. i have no physical pain or discomfort from my treatments. no bad headaches this week. I just have a sadness that I can't shake. I do love Jesus, and I want to be more like Him, but this is not the way I thought it would happen. It;s very hard. This is nothing, a miniscule drop in the ocean to what our Lord endured on the cross for us, but I am nothing compared to Christ. Wow, I am blabbering. you have my blessing to stop reading now if you think I m being ridiculous.
Time to change my thoughts:
Things i am thankful for
My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ-My Salvation-My Husband-My three crazy kids-My Mom and Dad-My husbands parents- my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ-my cozy home-my Dog Blue who is right by my feet all day- the beautiful weather-a nice hot cup of coffee- hugs fom my children-kisses in the morning from my husband-my new bike. I think I could go on for a long time, and this post is already lengthy.
If you read this before my results, I would ask for prayers for strength and a clear mind, no fear. Thanks friends.
Love you

4 comments:

  1. Good morning Joann~ I was praying for you this morning and knew you would be getting your results soon so I logged on. I will be in prayer at 1:00 today. You're such an inspiration to us all and I know our Lord will be right with you today. Lets do lunch before school gets out. Maybe next week. I need you Ph#. Invite anyone else who just wants to relax and talk girl talk!! You sister in christ, Pam L

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  2. Good Morning Joann,
    I pray that your results were "clear."
    I understand your sadness--your love for your kids & family--you want to be healthy and protect them. I don't know how you "shake" that. I only hope that the prays will cushion and surround you and yor family.
    All my love to you!
    Love,Kathy

    ps I was in Boston yesterday. Remember that T'Anthony's pizza place near BU. Well it is still there and the Pizza is still good!

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  3. Joann,
    I will be lifting you to the throne today. I am praying that the Lord will give you His peace no matter what the outcome. Love, Susan

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  4. I just saw you this afternoon so I don't really have anything new to say. I just really like posting comments on your blog. It's fun. Sorry that things have been gray lately. The sun will peek through, I know it will. Brighter days are coming cause God has got it.

    Love you lots.

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